No Pets!

The purpose of this post is to thoroughly convince you never to own pets again. If someone in your life is trying to talk you into a puppy, or a kitten, or a couple of those cute fuzzy yellow chicks at the pet store, show him/her this post, and the matter will be shut down right there. No questions asked.

It all started about 6:45 am, getting up and ready to take kid to the bus. We've recently been leaving our pup Aspen out of her crate while we are gone for short jaunts. We look over the house, make sure we have anything temptingly chewy out of the way. (I didn't know temptingly was a word, but spell check accepts it.) We think we have everything up, and head out the door.

Bus arrives, but breaks down at the bus stop. Driver dilly dallys around before another bus comes to pick up the kids. As a result, I am gone longer than usual. I arrive home, and walk in the door. This is when the fun begins. Remember that bit about removing all things temptingly chewy? Yeah, we missed one. A big one. Aspen has dumped the kitchen trash, and had herself a big party in the 15 or so minutes I was gone.

After chewing her out, I commence cleaning up the mess, leading from the kitchen to the living room. While I do this, Aspen starts throwing up all over the living room. Apparently trash doesn't agree with her tummy. I quickly leash up both dogs, and throw them outside. I finish cleaning up the trash, and take it to the outside can.

While I am outside, I let the big chickens out, and feed the younger ones. Last night was the chicks' first night outside in the big world. It looks like things went well. By the time I finish, the dogs are raising pure cane, wanting to come back inside. So I leash them up, and head to the house. While I was outside, I had the kitchen door open. Something we frequently do when the dogs are in the yard.

The chickens had come in the house in search of cat food. They ate most of what was left in the bowl, but that wasn't the worst of it. Chickens normally leave a solid, dainty little dropping when they have to go. However, about every 10 droppings is a big, wet, sloppy mess. Guess which one was left on my kitchen floor? I'm trying to hold onto two good sized dogs, intent on cleaning up for me, while I shoo 3 skittish hens out the door where they belong. I get Feathers and Chicklet out, but can't get Slow Poke headed in the right direction. I finally scoop her up in my arms, still holding the leashes of these crazy dogs, and throw the chicken out the door. The door may have been slammed shut at this point.

I clean up the mess on the floor, while I watch the dogs like a hawk so they don't help me. The kitchen smells terrible. I wipe up with a disinfecting wipe, and take the trash out again. Meanwhile, Aspen finds the laundry room door open (I was in there getting a roll of paper towels to replace the one Aspen ate) and helps herself to the litter box.

This all happened before 8 am. I give up! All my pets are now for sale on Ebay. Or Craigslist. Or whatever site will let you sell pets from...Hades.